Ages

Here was the scene–

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Today I walked into the bathroom and found Eva sitting on the toilet, legs swinging, peering through a roll of toilet paper.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I’m looking through my telescope,” she said, gazing intently.

“Did you see anything exciting?”

“Nope,” she replied, “just a hole in my underpants!”

Really, is there anything in the entire freaking universe that’s better than kids?

Welcome to my brain…enter at your own risk.

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z360

Going through the pictures in my kids’ camera, my eyes fell upon this one, which was taken from the backseat of the minivan. Here is the series of thoughts that flashed in my mind all in a span of ten seconds. (Beware. My mind is a dark and confusing place.)

1. “Why is there a ‘Finding Nemo’ sign in the trees?”
2. “That sign is huge. Why didn’t I notice it while I was driving?”
3. “Looks like a billboard of some sort. But why would someone hang it on a tree?”
4. “That billboard is an eyesore. How did it get through Planning and Zoning?”
5. “Why a billboard, in the middle of nowhere? With no movie theater in sight for another ten miles?”
6. “Didn’t this movie come out, like, ten years ago? How is this relevant?”
7. “The sign is in focus, but everything else is a blur. That’s odd.”
8. Flipping through subsequent photos: “There’s more than one? All with a tattered top-right corner?”
9. Wait a minute. How can the same sign be hanging on three different trees?”
Long pause. The snap of a light bulb. Fog dissipates. Brainwaves spark.
10. “Alright, how long have I been driving around with a ‘Finding Nemo’ sticker on my window?”

Nailed it (almost)

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z359

Every Mother’s Day, the kids make me a card with a picture of me on it.  And every year, they get the resemblance down a little bit closer.  I think this year’s portrait in Tyler’s card is spot-on.  Except for the part about my being a big-headed spider.  Other than that, it’s like looking in a mirror.