Yesterday’s sidebar on Yahoo featured Tom Brady’s locker room search for his jersey, five full days after the Super Bowl. I imagined for a moment that I was famous and constantly in the limelight, and that all my own lost & found calamities went viral. Here would be the headlines screaming at you from Super Bowl to present:
“Petrovits solicits mall security when parking lot search turns frantic: ‘Somebody stole my car.’”
“Petrovits causes near collision while trying to make it to work on time: ‘It’s like my left shoe vanished in thin air.’ ”
“Petrovits’s keys disintegrate from key hook: Family prisoners in their own home.”
“Petrovits holds up entire line at local Big Y after dumping contents of purse on register. ‘The kids must have taken my credit card,’ she raged.”
“Marker dematerializes from Mrs. Lariviere’s Smart Board while baffled fourth-graders look on: ‘Which one of you practical jokers needs me to call your parents?’ ”
It’s a good thing I never made it to the NFL. The Internet would be so glutted, no one would be able to find their real news anymore.