Hidden surprises

by Merri Petrovits // December 26, 2021

There have been many toy manufacturers who have profited from marketing hidden surprises.

The makers of the LOL doll made millions selling cheaply made, three-inch figurines covered in layers of paper and extensive packaging. Next followed the “5 Surprise” line, where children must unwrap and unpeel mystery miniatures from each capsule.

When Neno ripped apart his Christmas present yesterday and tore out its innards, we discovered the makers of Frisco Latex squeaky toys had the same idea.

I’ll leave it to your imagination how Doug has been spending the past twenty-four hours modeling, demonstrating, and displaying these squeaky apparatuses.

I apologize for the crassness behind my last two posts. But I have no control over the material that comes my way.

This one’s a keeper

by Merri Petrovits // December 22, 2021

Your kitchen may be plastered wall-to-wall with cards every holiday season.

But none of them compare to the one I pulled out of an envelope from one of my unwitting fourth-graders this year.

May your Christmas be filled with surprises!

Hang onto those britches

by Merri Petrovits // December 19, 2021

“What is this?” demanded Doug as he held up one of his pre-Christmas offerings.

“They’re jeans,” I said. “You mentioned none of yours fit. I was at Walmart with Anna, and we just happened to pass them.”

He stared at me for a moment and blinked. “You bought me jeans at Walmart?”

“Yes. That’s not as taboo as it was buying sneakers at Kmart.”

“Did you read the label before you bought them?” he said, pointing at it incredulously.

“Yes. Why?”

More blinking.

“They’re Wranglers.”

“What’s wrong with Wranglers? My dad used to wear them in the 1980s.”

“Exactly. That’s how my mom dressed me until I was old enough to fight back. She called them ‘dungarees.’”

“They’re classic. C’mon, at least try them on. Just so we can see if that’s your new size.”

“Nope. I haven’t put on a pair of Wranglers since I was 11 years old, and I’m not putting them on now.”

“The guy wearing them on the label is hot. So they can’t be that bad.”

“Take them back.”

“Look…we’re not rich. And we’re going on 49. Who the hell cares about labels anymore? Are we trying to find a place at the popular table? Who cares what other people think?”

This morning, here was the scene waiting for me by my computer.

I think Doug’s going to hang onto his britches after all…just for fun.