I hope I never have to use this.

by Merri Petrovits // April 20, 2011

In Doug’s infinite ecological wisdom, he decided to recycle a bottle of Right Guard. Anna fished it out of the recycling and took a shower fresh bite.

Fast forward to 2024:

Anna: “You are so uncool. Why can’t you be like (insert name of every friend she ever had)’s mom? I wish I was never born. I wish YOU were never born. I wish our entire lineage never existed!”

Me: “Dude, you ate your dad’s deodorant.”

I win.

Please. Deactivate your deactivation.

by Merri Petrovits // April 19, 2011

After the teeth-gnashing ordeal of getting three kids ready, out the door and into the minivan, it often refuses to start. Recently I discovered this is an anti-theft device—if you try to start a Kia with one or more doors open, it thinks someone is trying to steal it, and it instantly deactivates.

Oh minivan, I hate to be the one to burst your bubble. But really, nobody wants you but me.