Today Anna looked like she was chomping on a pack of gum, so I swiped my finger around her mouth—and pulled out a quarter. That little jackpot nearly doubled my quarterly earnings at ING.
The Top 10 Things I Hope to Never Hear Myself Say After 40
Most of us 30-somethingers are dreading turning 40, but as for me, I welcome it. By then, if all goes as planned, all diapers will magically go away, and I will stop hearing myself having the same old conversations. Below are the top 10 things I hope to never hear myself say after 40:
#10: Eva, why are you running around the house naked?
#9: I understand the dog has six boobies. Leave them all alone!
#8: Hey! Stop yanking on that thing or you’ll break it off!
#7: Oh my God! Anna just spit up in my mouth.
#6: What is my (every imaginable missing item) doing in the toilet?
#5: Hey! Macaroni in the mouth, not up the nose!
#4: Doug, smell this. Is it water or pee?
#3: Tyler, I already explained this to you. Nobody stole your sister’s junk.
#2: What did I tell you? Keep gagging yourself like that and you’ll throw up all over the floor!
#1: Wow! What a masterpiece! You made that all by yourself? Amazing…don’t forget to flush!
Parenting tip of the day:
Do not warn your children that if they leave crumbs behind, the bugs will come. Said children will scatter their dinner throughout the house and lie in wait with a magnifying glass.
From beneath some anthill in Simsbury, one can hear the blissful jubilation of a creepy and crawly colony dining on roasted vegetables, rice pilaf and chicken au vin.
Best sandbox ever!
