He talked throughout the entire feature presentation, hogged all the M&M’s, and refused to go Dutch. Oddly enough, giving him a fake phone number hasn’t done a bit of good.
First date!
First clue that I will never fit in with the clientele at my gym who can afford its exorbitant membership fees…
… A poodle left in a running Mercedes throughout the length of a workout, air conditioner on full blast. Yes, the poodle was wearing a barrette.
We need your vote
We all have causes we hold close to our hearts. For me, there has been a group of people long neglected. That’s why I started the AFPWLBITC—Allowances For People Without Light Bulbs In Their Closets. Our first order of business: new legislation. Please vote YES on question 1 on the ballot: “Should black and navy blue be declared a perfect match?” Next stop: legalized marriage for socks with mismatched ribbing.
A conversation over the cutting board
Me (after cutting a red pepper in half and finding another tiny pepper inside): “Look! The pepper had a baby!”
Tyler: “Can we open that one up, too?”
Me: “Why? What do you think is inside?”
Tyler: “A babier!”