A friend request in the left-hand corner of my screen this morning drove me to drinking. My mother is on facebook. Suddenly she’s rifling through my underwear drawer during the teenage years, uncovering all my most intimate notes folded up into little white houses. To confirm or not to confirm? That is the crisis.
Stop worrying or die.
The New England Journal of Medicine reported that 75 to 90% of all doctors visits are due to stress-related ailments and disorders. Worrying contributes to headaches, high blood pressure, heart disease, hypertension, diabetes, skin conditions, asthma, arthritis, depression, stomach ulcers and early death. In other words, it’s time to start worrying about worrying. And then, for the love of God, STOP—before it kills you.
This is how a Jagger moves.
Unfortunately for everyone who lives in my house, whenever a song is stuck in my head, I can’t stop singing it. The difference today was that someone was paying attention.
“Mama, how does a Jagger move?” Tyler asked.
“That’s Mick Jagger,” I corrected. “He’s a singer, and he has a special way of dancing. Don’t ask me to demonstrate, cause Mama doesn’t move that way.”
“Show me,” he persisted.
“No.”
“But I want to see!”
“Tyler,” I sighed, “If I show you, will you stop asking me?”
He nodded and eagerly waited. I strutted, chest out, like a peacock in full plumage. I put on my poutiest lips, swiveled my hips and thrust my neck side to side like a chicken in heat. In my own mind, His Majesty of the British Invasion would’ve been proud.
Tyler watched without any expression, then paused for a moment before delivering his verdict. “I don’t like the way Jaggers move,” he said decidedly.
Figuratively speaking, Chaz Bono isn’t the only one who was sent home packing.
Nothing good can come out of this.
Daughters of Doug Lariviere and Jon Mangiaracina have formed an alliance.