…the emergency rotary phone. So efficient, you can dial 911 in fourteen seconds flat. So loud, every time it rings, the Simsbury Fire Department comes roaring up our street and hoses down our kitchen.
The final step to hurricane preparation
Something every woman should know…
If you should decide take a five-day hiatus from shaving, wake up to discover both legs covered with hives and rush yourself to the emergency room, the doctor inspecting your razor stubble will inevitably be young, charmingly funny, smokin’ hot and speak with an exotic accent. You’ve been warned.
Super Chunk
The one thing you don’t want to stumble upon after winding down a week of three vomiting children: Skippy “super chunk” peanut butter. It’s the perfect chaser for the stomach bug, food and alcohol poisoning, the thought of Hugh Hefner naked, and a house full of contaminated children.
Light it up
Eva: “Ooooh, look at Tyler’s cake!”
Me: “Do you like it? It has white chocolate, and vanilla pudding, and chocolate mousse, and vanilla frosting!”
Eva: “Yeah! And it even has a sex candle!”
There’s nothing better than cake, presents, birthday crowns, and the joy of six.