Three weeks later, and my Christmas cards are still coming back to me. At least the USPS was clear in its explanation: seems their length (dimension parallel to the address) divided by height is less than 1.3 (including square-shaped mailpieces) or more than 2.5. Kind of makes me regret bailing out of that MIT course in computational geometry. Who knew I’d need it every time I open the mailbox?
Outside the Baby Bubble
They’ve pissed off the wrong snowman.
Frosty’s facelift did not yield the promising results his medical team promised him. As soon as someone sticks his face back on, he will sue those bastards for all they’re worth.
I could use a little help here…
Recently a friend of mine reminded me of the black leather pants I wore to a Motley Crue concert three kids ago. Just for haha’s, I pulled them out of the back of my closet and tried them on. I am pleased to announce I am wearing them as we speak!
Incidentally, does anyone have a crowbar, wire cutter, sandblaster and/or electric chainsaw I can borrow? Please, no questions.
The Top 10 Reasons I Left Facebook (for two months, at least)
While deactivating my Facebook account two months ago, I was asked to check off a box explaining why. Seeing how none of the reasons applied, I decided to rewrite them. May I present to you my top 10 reasons for leaving Facebook…
#10: Found myself talking in acronyms
#9: Kids were hungry and dirty as I watched video clips of your cats dancing around poles
#8: Found myself constantly wondering what flavor latte you all were sipping
#7: Couldn’t stop referring to myself in third person
#6: Was having reoccurring nightmares that I couldn’t make it from A building to B building in four minutes
#5: Poking liability insurance becoming too costly
#4: CL&P stopped taking my Farmville credits
#3: During conversation, people became confused each time I shouted “like” and gave them a thumbs-up.
#2: Needed therapy after a series of rejected friend requests. Discovered it’s not acceptable to deliver them with flowers.
#1: No Hall & Oates or Air Supply links of my wall for six months. That’ll teach Beach for slacking off!