Yesterday I pondered how a two-week-old event could be called historic, and it occurred to me that the Catholic Church is far more logical. Even the Vatican makes sure people are dead for a hundred years before letting them be saints. In addition, saint candidates must perform two miracles—one while they’re living, and the other after they’re dead. I just completed my first miracle—using the words “logical” and “Catholic Church” in the same sentence. After that, the second one should be a breeze.

This month’s blizzard has already made its way into Wikipedia as the “2011 Groundhog Day Blizzard,” defined as “a powerful and historical” North American winter storm. Shouldn’t an event be more than two and a half weeks old before it qualifies as “historic”? Anyway, let’s hope today’s near forty-degree plunge doesn’t indicate more history in the making.

After being holed up in our houses throughout the most brutal winter since ’76 and raking an accumulated 20 inches of snow off our roofs, there finally came the first sign of spring. To celebrate, I hopped in the car, rolled down the windows and pulled into the nearest shopping plaza—only to be stuck behind a hundred cars, all vying for a spot next to the handicapped zone.

I call this one “Spring fever, only in America.”