An AP article entitled “Weiner abides despite new photo” states: “It’s apparent that Weiner’s self-immolation already has cost him much: his credibility, his dignity, the confidence of his colleagues, and more.” I’m thinking his last name alone should’ve taken care of all that a long time ago. If your name is slang for a reproductive organ, your best bet is to stay out of politics.

Finally, the rest of the world is wearing white. I hate to call myself a trendsetter, but I started wearing it months ago. Cancel your subscriptions to Cosmopolitan! Following me on facebook is like having a fashion barometer right here at your fingertips.

Recently I started receiving emails from Coach, reading “Thank you for shopping with us! We can’t wait to see you again!” A quick search revealed a selection of handbags priced up to $798.

At first I was flattered that someone mistook me for Coach clientele, but then reality struck. Someone spied me with a Big Y bag strapped over my shoulder and signed me up. Nothing like pity mail from the fashion police!

So it seems May 21 was the soul-saving closing date, and total obliteration has been postponed five months. If you are on the brink of feeding the world or curing cancer, ABORT MISSION. There are only 200,000 tickets to salvation, and the paperwork is already in. If I don’t make the cut, come October I’ll be crouched in a bunker with two of each species. Anyone know where I can find a couple of hairy-nosed wombats?