Today I stumbled upon someone’s nametag on my way into Stop & Shop. I handed it to the customer service cashier, explaining one of his coworkers lost her identity in the parking lot. He was so amused that he announced it over the loudspeaker. I wonder if he’d be disappointed to know I got it right off an episode of Spongebob Squarepants?
Outside the Baby Bubble
Sometimes, it’s not just the milk that goes bad.
Sometimes when I’ve feeling particularly adventuresome, I peel the “paid” sticker off my gallon of milk, covertly exit the store, and wait for a security thug to chase me to my minivan. They’ll never take me alive! I shake my fist out the window and laugh as I peel out of the parking lot. It’s such a rush that I almost drop my receipt.
Mass murderers, crazy? Let’s not jump to conclusions.
Nearly eight months after the 2011 Norway massacre, Anders Behring Breivik admits to the act of murdering 77 people, but not to any criminal guilt. After all, he was acting out of necessity, as he had to save his country from being taken over by the Muslims.
With the ten-week trial now underway, the Associated Press reported that the key issue to be resolved is the state of Breivik’s mental health, which will decide whether he is sent to prison or into psychiatric care.
I am about to save the Norwegian government and its courts ten weeks’ time and thousands of dollars: YES. He is crazy. Out of his tree. Off his rocker. A wingnut. Bonkers. Batty. Loco. And for the purposes of the court, clinically and legally insane.
And here’s some more food for thought for the team of judges, defense counsels and state-appointed prosecutors and forensic psychiatrists who are wracking their brains in the Oslo District Court: sometimes crazy and evil can mean the same thing.
Imagine a world where evil is actually punished, and where governments spend their resources on things that actually matter.
I wish I was still young enough to run for Miss America. I think I might be onto something.
This is what I call sleeping on the job.
Today I was snubbed by the Walmart greeter. That’s right, I said “hi,” and she stared blankly ahead.
And you thought you were unproductive at work today.