The mission: enter Walmart with a list of three items. An hour later, stand in the checkout line counting all the crap overflowing from your cart. You will feel every bit the miserable failure that you are. Now turn around in those Faded Glories, look straight ahead, march past those rollback savings, avoid eye contact with the greeter, bury your head under a flier and think about what you’ve done.
My Nonsensical Thought of the Day
If I could have just one wish…
…it would be that a baby’s hysterical screaming was a whole lot more specific.
I’d like you all to mark 2028 on your calendars.
That’s the year I will have a freshman, junior and senior in college all at the same time. Please send your donations to the Betty Ford Rehabilitation Center, which is where I’ll be residing by that time. All proceeds will go directly toward my children’s college tuitions. Promise.
Kudos to our capital city!
The suspect in today’s drive-by shooting in Hartford made his getaway on a two-wheeled vehicle—that’s right, a bicycle. I think it’s refreshing that today’s gangsters are finally conscious of their physical fitness. Imagine—a shooting, fresh air and exercise while being environmentally friendly all at the same time.