“Hey Tyler, remember how I told you to practice cutting only on paper?”
“Yes.”
“Well, why is there a bald spot on the side of your head?”
“I don’t know.”
“Who cut your hair?”
“Eva.”
“Who really cut your hair?”
(Eyes shifting left to right) “I think the barber shop did it.”
The “barber shop”: Regis Corp., the largest hair salon chain in the world.
They figure it out early: big business is always to blame.
… A poodle left in a running Mercedes throughout the length of a workout, air conditioner on full blast. Yes, the poodle was wearing a barrette.
We all have causes we hold close to our hearts. For me, there has been a group of people long neglected. That’s why I started the AFPWLBITC—Allowances For People Without Light Bulbs In Their Closets. Our first order of business: new legislation. Please vote YES on question 1 on the ballot: “Should black and navy blue be declared a perfect match?” Next stop: legalized marriage for socks with mismatched ribbing.
Me (after cutting a red pepper in half and finding another tiny pepper inside): “Look! The pepper had a baby!”
Tyler: “Can we open that one up, too?”
Me: “Why? What do you think is inside?”
Tyler: “A babier!”