Eva is squeezed in size 18-month clothes, Anna is swimming in size 3T. Anna is sitting in a dirty diaper, a dozen scented candles burning throughout the house. The Bean no longer has whiskers. Start the minivan, and Judas Priest comes blaring through the speakers.
Doug’s first week as Mr. Mom after I went back to work…check.
I’m starting to think all of Doug’s emergency trips to Massachusetts package stores are premeditated.
Stationed at the entrance of Stop & Shop today was an elderly man collecting for the American Red Cross, As he stood there in the freezing cold ringing that bell and smiling through three layers of scarves, I had to stop. Fishing around for singles in a purse that Anna dissected all over the kitchen floor moments before, all I now had was a $10 bill. (Well, maybe it wasn’t my ten dollars. Technically, everything in my purse is property of the Bank of America.) Bursting with the spirit of Christmas and good will toward men, I stuffed that whole $10 bill in the donation box anyway, and I felt good about it. After all, the CEO of the Red Cross has a family to feed, too.
For those of you with one or more kids little enough to deceive, go to portablenorthpole.tv/home. It’ll take you ten minutes to answer a few questions and download three pics for each child, and Santa will send a personalized video email in return. When your kids see this video, you will have to scrape their faces off the computer screen with a spatula.