The one thing you don’t want to stumble upon after winding down a week of three vomiting children: Skippy “super chunk” peanut butter. It’s the perfect chaser for the stomach bug, food and alcohol poisoning, the thought of Hugh Hefner naked, and a house full of contaminated children.
My Nonsensical Thought of the Day
Road Rage 101
(1) He who is bold enough to cut you off in high-speed traffic shall never have the balls to travel more than 15 mph.
(2) Whenever you wind up behind a car with Florida plates, insert white flag through sunroof. You’re going to be late for that appointment.
(3) Children seated close enough to touch elbows are more hazardous to driving conditions than a liter of hard alcohol, six inches of sleet and hail, an airbag in the face and a bout of narcolepsy.
Happy travels.
On all those days I fail to dazzle, captivate, or inspire…
…I remind myself of one thing: I have the power to make a dog’s tail wag so hard it nearly flies off his ass. That alone has to count for something.
How to feel relief and stupidity at the same time…
…pull over on a dark highway and reach for your license and registration, only to realize those flashing lights were your kid’s sneakers kicking the back of your seat.