While holding the door open for a cat or dog in subfreezing temperatures, said cat or dog will inevitably pause in the middle of the doorway for a leisurely, invigorating, full-scale yogic stretch.
Second rule of thumb: a swift kick is justifiable if followed up with “Namaste.”
How much longer can I get away with cleaning my kids’ faces with my saliva?
Me: “Tyler, you’re not going out of the house with sandals on. It’s like twenty freaking degrees out there.”
Tyler: “That’s OK. I’ll just put socks on under them!”
Where did my kid pick up such blatant disregard for the rules of fashion? It makes me shake my head so hard my scrunchie nearly falls out.
… a wall-to-wall carpet of puzzle pieces; Lincoln Logs; Megablocks; Wedgits; Monster Puppet googly eyes and fuzzy noses; Mr. Potato Head body parts; Dominos; Legos; princess dresses, shoes and tiaras; dollhouse, barn and castle accessories; dress-up jewels; Barbie torsos with no appendages.
From beneath the rubble, a tiny hand emerges with the remote control. It takes aim at the TV and fires.
The gift-unwrapping, box-ripping, tie-cutting, game-assembling, battery-inserting frenzy draws to another anticlimactic end.