“I don’t have a problem,” she said. “I’m a social drinker. I can stop any time I want to.”

Regrettably, the shameful truth came out at her sister’s graduation picnic last week.

“Oh, no!” Eva cried as demolition began on our garage today. “The roof fell off!”

Any time now, we will own a garage whose doors are actually wider than the minivan. Will wonders never cease?