Today Anna looked like she was chomping on a pack of gum, so I swiped my finger around her mouth—and pulled out a quarter. That little jackpot nearly doubled my quarterly earnings at ING.
Ages
The Top 10 Things I Hope to Never Hear Myself Say After 40
Most of us 30-somethingers are dreading turning 40, but as for me, I welcome it. By then, if all goes as planned, all diapers will magically go away, and I will stop hearing myself having the same old conversations. Below are the top 10 things I hope to never hear myself say after 40:
#10: Eva, why are you running around the house naked?
#9: I understand the dog has six boobies. Leave them all alone!
#8: Hey! Stop yanking on that thing or you’ll break it off!
#7: Oh my God! Anna just spit up in my mouth.
#6: What is my (every imaginable missing item) doing in the toilet?
#5: Hey! Macaroni in the mouth, not up the nose!
#4: Doug, smell this. Is it water or pee?
#3: Tyler, I already explained this to you. Nobody stole your sister’s junk.
#2: What did I tell you? Keep gagging yourself like that and you’ll throw up all over the floor!
#1: Wow! What a masterpiece! You made that all by yourself? Amazing…don’t forget to flush!
Best sandbox ever!
Check out my wheels (and sliding doors)
After today’s playdate, Tyler’s friend Connor stood before the minivan and stared.
“Mom,” he gasped, “the doors. … They slide!”
“You think that’s something?” I winked and flicked a switch. Out popped the 9-inch DVD player.
We almost had to administer CPR.
All the way home I blasted “Crazy Train” with all four windows rolled down. And I didn’t even turn it down at the red lights.