Author: Merri Petrovits

How to make your workday go faster

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There’s something about being in the water that makes kids crazy.  And when your kids are already crazy to start with, it can put them over the top.

During our Sunday afternoon ritual at the YMCA, Tyler was repeatedly smacking a beach ball down on the surface of the water, much to the annoyance of the surrounding swimmers.

Just before I intervened, the 17-year-old lifeguard blew his whistle and bellowed, “Stop smacking your ball!”

Somewhere in the distance, I heard Beavis and Butthead laughing.

Quick to bounce back, Tyler acquired a nearby noodle and began to sword fight with his friend Connor.  Eventually, he resumed beating the surface of the water, creating a rainstorm effect.

Again, the whistle.  Across the public pool filled with splashing children, uppity moms in Speedo sport swimwear and bleachers lined with spectators, the lifeguard rebuked, “STOP SLAPPING THE NOODLE!”

And then, I saw it.  He sat back in his chair, quietly looked around, and smirked to himself.

I’m taking tips from that lifeguard.  He knows how to take a mundane job and make it far more entertaining.

He makes me blush.

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As I wrap up month #9 of unemployment, I decided that perhaps it’s time for a career change.

“What if I waitressed again?” I pitched to Doug.  “Better yet, I’ll go to bartender’s school.  I’ve always wanted to do that.  Considering the hours I put into teaching, it probably pays more anyway.  I could work nights, you could work days.  We wouldn’t even have to pay for childcare!”

“You’re not going to be a bartender,” was his flat-out response. “Everyone would hit on you.”

“Please,” I rolled my eyes.  “Today I found a zit and a wrinkle all at the same time.  Who’s going to hit on me?”

Crickets.  Clocks ticking.  The distant snore of some guy snoozing away in Tokyo.

“Here’s the part where you disagree,” I coached.

He paused for a moment and said, “It’s a bar.  Of course someone’s going to hit on you.”

I don’t know about you, but I stay married for the steady flux of adoring reassurance.

Colored camo and wild animal maulings. It’s all the rage.

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In an effort to appease the in-laws, I decided to enroll Tyler in Religious Education, where he begins his journey to complete the six of the seven sacraments of the Catholic Church.  (Seven, if he decides to become a priest, which would create a major setback in his plans to become a UPS driver. But I digress.)

Recently, his lucky number earned him the privilege of taking home the coveted Sunday School Bible, where he was to select a story from the Old Testament, prepare a summary for his class, and draw a picture.  From Genesis to Deuteronomy he pored, until he finally selected the delightful tale of “Joseph and His Coat of Many Colors.”

(That is, if you’re delighted by a band of brothers ripping a coat off the youngest, throwing him into a pit, selling him into slavery, dipping his coat in goat’s blood and telling their dad he was mauled by wild beats.  But compared to the rest of the Old Testament, that’s about as delightful as it gets.)

Doug sat down with Tyler and helped to create an artistic interpretation of the tale.

Who knew colored camo was all the rage, even back in Biblical times?

And all this time, we thought Doug was a trendsetter.

This entry was posted in 7 Seven.

Tweet this!

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My friend Katina thinks that I should tweet.  On one hand, I suppose it’s high time that I’ve twet.  It’s not that I’ve never twitted before…I twate twice last year but haven’t twaten since.  They say twitting is fun, but last night it took me twenty minutes to compose a single twit.

And with that, I’m all twat out.

I’d be honored if you’d follow me on Twitter:  https://twitter.com/merripetrovits

Hashtag…you’re it.